Day 8

April 1, 2008

This morning we woke up and went to the National Museum. Although beautiful and filled with Buddhist and cultural statues and although I captured some of my most beautiful pictures yet, it was not where we were supposed to go. We intended to go to the Genocide Museum before going to the killing fields. Our driver, who is still working on his English didn't quite understand but 'm glad we went. Afterwards we still went to the Killing Fields, and it hit me in a place I didn’t know was vulnerable. The first image we saw was a huge, tall glass structure filled to the top with the skulls of victims executed in the fields. The bottom was full of their clothing. As I stood with my forehead against the glass I felt something in my stomach tighten, making it hard to breathe. The tears came faster than I expected and I found myself unable to take my eyes off of the place where their eyes once were. I couldn’t keep from imagining them in their final days, knowing that they didn’t have much time left. How would they feel now, having their skulls and clothing on display? Having people walk across their bones for years afterwards. I tore my eyes away, knowing my group was ready to move on. As we walked, our driver showed us the mass graves of hundreds of people separated by age and gender. From above the graves looked only like big holes with weeds growing and a few bones, but hidden where we could not see were hundreds of bones thrown together so carelessly. There was a tree for hanging the victims who were too loud. Another tree for beating the young children. Their clothes were still scattered along the ground and their bones were peeking above the flowers everywhere that we walked. When we left I took a breath and realized I had been holding my breath for a long time. Every muscle in my body wanted just to sit with these people and comfort them. I wanted to pay my respects to them and show them that it had all changed for the better. It was hard for me to leave.

After we left we went to Nancy’s presentation on Domestic Violence. When we arrived everyone was standing around looking worried and I realized that the power was out, therefore the air conditioning was not working. After about ten minutes in the uncomfortable heat we figured out another facility to relocate to. Hearing Nancy speak to a group was much different from our normal everyday talking. It was wonderful to hear her story and realize how deeply she cares and knows about the subject. Once it was over we all went out to dinner and during dinner their was a small storm. Their was cracking thunder and lightning and the warmest rain I have ever felt. All I wanted to do was dance in it and cover myself with it; I guess I am more homesick then I thought. Once back at the hotel we began to make gifts for the speakers who will tell us their stories tomorrow. The speakers are women who escaped from the Khmer Rouge and became refuges in the US and elsewhere. They have since returned to help their people and want to tell us their stories. In the morning we are planning to go to the Genocide Museum, so I know that tomorrow will be emotionally very heavy for me.